Critic's Review
In the most predictable failure since Samba House; Kelvin 3200 has closed in 3 months.
Review 8/2/16
A few months ago I drove by this place and noticed a nice sign indicating that a new restaurant was opening here. I'd somehow missed it on the ticker; but I've been following it ever since.I saw the sign just as Spring Chicken was opening, so the idea of a restaurant specializing in "Southern" cuisine was intriguing.
So you can imagine my surprise when I pulled up to see that they'd painted the place white and there was no sign now that they are open. I'm pretty sure new businesses are allowed to put up a temporary sign for 30 days, so why not take advantage (most leave it up for months until someone complains). You'd never know this place was open from the current presentation.
I'd driven by yesterday at about 3pm and there was a guy in the doorway waving at cars as they went by, and I decided to wait another day. I didn't want to be the only one in the place. They also have a very weak lunch menu, and I wasn't sure they served breakfast all day.
The next morning I noticed a flounder special for the day on Facebook, so it was settled. I didn't really just want to get eggs and sausage as I wanted to try the "cuisine", and I'm not a biscuit and grits kinda guy.
As I was driving over I wondered how they were going to make any money selling 3 pieces of fish, fries and a drink for $10. When I got there the deal was confirmed by a sandwich board on the sidewalk.
The patio is pretty dreary; a downgrade from the previous owners version; The Garage Bar had colorful umbrellas; these looked like something you'd rent at a public beach.
I walked inside and it was almost like I startled the employees sitting around. A Customer! Oh well, I guess I'd be the only one in the place even at 1:50pm. I'd seen some photos on their FB page so I knew there were booths in the back. I didn't want to sit in the front with the employees.
They mentioned a "renovation' but I really don't get why. I thought the Garage Bar was pretty nice; usually when you take over a failed restaurant and don't gut it the place shouldn't be worse than before. The only thing I'd call a decoration was a blackboard with a message that I didn't initially understand.
A guy came by and asked what I wanted to drink and I said Iced Tea unsweetened. He asked if I wanted sugar, but the tea was delivered without sugar.
Half of the booths had paper "tablecoths"; I don't like paper so I took one without the paper. But the tables are unfinished. There's a lip on them; it's as if they ripped out the inlay and stuccoed the tables. Very uncomfortable. Too late now, I wasn't going to move.
I just ordered the Flounder special. My server indicated that I could get any side I wanted if I didn't want fries, so I went with the Mac and Cheese.
They're using iPads for "tableside" service, which sounds like a good idea but it really isn't. The ugliness of dealing with a POS should be hidden from customers. He struggled to find the "Special". Note the word special for later reference.
They offered me some peanuts while I waited, which I declined. It gave some clarity to the words on the blackboard.
I could hear the servers talking in the next room, because there is no music at Kelvin's. I heard a guy say "it's building slowly"; yeah 1 customer and nobody else knows you're open is slow alright.
I did have a nice view of the kitchen. There was a drink on a table in the back and I didn't know what that was about.
They apologized for the delay. No big deal. No wireless in the place but I had a good xfinity wifi signal. I'll lose that when my condo moves to uVerse. Great.
Finally my server brings it out like he's presenting some great creation.
Not exactly what I expected. Fish shouldn't be curled up in a restaurant; maybe at Checkers. What also struck me was the mac and cheese, which not only wasn't freshly made, it looked like it might be from Saturday.
I tasted it hoping that looks aren't everything. Cold. Old. No taste. We've all reheated mac and cheese; there are ways to bring it back to life. A littlle milk, a sprinkle of cheese. None of that was practiced here.
The fish was equally inedible.
Whatever method you use to cook thin filets of fish, the most important thing is to not dry them out. They didn't pass that test here.
I struggled to find bits of fish that were edible. I didn't want to walk out without eating any of the food, although I seriously considered. it.
They came by twice to ask me how everything was. A highly uncomfortable situation. I didn't want a scene. "The food is inedible". "How could you serve this to a customer?". "You're going to lose all of your money". What was I supposed to say?
I ate a bit of the mac and cheese and tried to find some fish that wasn't totally dried out. Finally I couldn't do anymore.
He came over to give me my check "No hurry", he said, "I'm just dropping this off". I told him I was done and looked at the check. $10 plus $2.95 for the drink. "The drink isn't included", I mentioned, knowing fully well that the sign said it was. He initially said No, but upon checking with the manager or boss he acknowledged it. He then had to go to the back room to figure out how to void it or whatever they did. So much for tableside checkout.
Once he straightened it out he came back, swiped my card and put the ipad in front of me to choose the tip and to sign the screen with my finger. I've expressed my feeling about having to sign a screen with my finger in a restaurant.
Conclusion
When someone opens a "Southern" cuisine restaurant, I assume that they have some batter recipe from their grandma or something, but whoever made this flounder doesn't know how to cook at all. This is fast food cooking; if you can't cook a lunch for 1 customer how can you run a restaurant kitchen?
I struggle between not wanting to kill a new business and the reality that I'm also giving them exposure that can't be bought; they had an opportunity for everyone to know about a good, new restaurant and they served me inedible food. Inept service usually gets a pass when a place first opens, but when a server doesn't know about the one special of the day you have to wonder if every single aspect of the place is utterly incompetent.
The only problem with the Garage Bar was that they were serving $8 burgers for $12; it was an attractive place with diner quality food. This place has nothing to offer; BBQ shack ambiance and food you'd be mad if you got at checkers for $2.
The Value rating is based on how much food was given, of course if you can't eat it maybe it's not such a good value?
It's a poor substitute for the previous tenant "The Filling Station". The food was expensive but at least it was pretty good.
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