Critic's Review
The idea that the Bokamper's group was opening a New Orleans restaurant in Fort Lauderdale was kind of amusing to me; They build a big sports bar on the water and they think people are going there for the food? I had my doubts about their ability to pull it off. It's nice to get something different at least; better than chicken sandwiches and wraps.
At 2:30 the place was dead empty; I think this end of the Avenue is still a tough sell despite the success of Rocco's. the first entrance on the east is the downstairs dining room; of course I had no idea how anything worked.
The lower dining room is extremely gaudy.
"Would you like to sit upstairs?", the hostess asked. Since there wasn't a sole downstairs it wasn't clear that it was even open. She walked me through the dining room and pointed at the staircase. "They'll seat you upstairs".
Ok.
There's a lot of stairs. There's an elevator for you old timers. At the top there's a big rear bar; feel free to bring your dog.
I asked to be seated in the Balcony. "Just go ahead", they said, pointing towards the front of the restaurant. Multiple hostess stations that don't show you to a table.
Ok. I didn't realize that the Balcony was just a bar with no table service.
I sat at a too small table without a menu; there's a book with drinks on the table but no food menu. The girl with the magenta hair was busy talking to guys at the bar so I had to wait until she was finished. No urgency to fill me in on how things worked or get me a menu. Was there a server? When she was done talking I asked If there was service, and she indicated that the bartenders handled the bar tables during lunch. I had to get up to get a menu from her. Meanwhile I asked for an iced tea.
"Wasted Times" was playing upstairs; nothing you'd hear in New Orleans, that's for sure.
My view from the balcony during the day; this isn't the elegant part of las Olas.
The bartenders have to walk all the way from the far end of the bar to get to the tables; no exit on the west end. I went to the bar to get the Iced tea, and I ordered the Gumbo. The lunch menu stinks.
I started to get up to see what was going on on the east side of the bar but I ran into my server carrying a tiny container; there weren't many people here so I surmised it might be for me. "Is that mine?", I asked, horrified that it might be my $10 bowl fo soup. "Yes", she replied.
Oh boy.
She apologied for the clunky service, but she didn't take anything off the table. The table is about 24" square, maybe remove the other setting and the drink menu? I didn't get the impression that there was much training going on here.
I knew there might be a problem from the ingredients on the menu, but the was ridiculous. A thick orange sauce; there's no tomatoes in cajun gumbo; does the menu mention tomatoes? What the hell was this stuff?
There's a few different ways to make gumbo; Cajun gumbo is a soup thickened with either okra or a roux; creole cooking adds tomatoes. The menu description, which doesn't mention tomatoes (or rice) and does mention vegetable broth, doesn't describe this dish.
There's definitely no carrots in gumbo. Whatever this was, it was a rice dish; closer to jambalaya than gumbo. This stuff is sitting in a big pot stewing all day; you never add the rice until you serve a real gumbo. The fried okra proves that whoever contrived this recipe has no idea what Gumbo is supposed to be like. Okra exudes a sticky substance that is used to thicken the broth when you're not using a roux. Fried Okra is just incompetent. "Hey, we have the fried okra appetizer, lets throw some in the Gumbo". No.
This was like eating a side of rice; hardly any chicken and thin sliced "andouille" that I couldn't really tell was andouille or not.
I get that chefs who grew up in Fort Lauderdale don't know what a good Gumbo is supposed to be like, but how does this get past everyone in the process; ownership, investors, other "chefs" on staff? Nobody pointed out that this is junk? The gumbo at Bubba Gump is better than this. Andouille also shouldn't be sliced thin for this dish; its not pepperoni for a pizza. You slice stuff thin for a pizza so it cooks through in 6 minutes.
My server dropped off some burgers at the next table (because burgers are what you order at a "New Orleans Style" restaurant), and I asked for my check. No offer of a refill on the tea.
I didn't feel like waiting for her to come around the bar, so I went to the bar to get the check.
$3.99 for an iced tea? Want to know how to get someone never to come back to your restaurant? Charge them $4 for a glass of colored water.
Conclusion
The Balcony is about what you'd expect an ex-Football player to open; A well financed, fancy dancy restaurant with a completely inept menu. The problem here is that someone came up with the notion of a "New Orleans" restaurant without a real idea; Is this Cajun? Creole? Or just some mishmosh of recipes that have a high profit margin? The lunch menu doesn't even offer much actual food.
The decor reminds me a bit of Thursday's on the next block; overly gaudy, mismatched to the Las Olas clientele. Thursday's was up for sale last time I checked.
In a city where the only other Cajun restaurant is very mediocre there was an opportunity to do something good and different; but instead they did this. A restaurant designed to pick your pocket rather than feed your hunger. Welcome to Fort Lauderdale; this place fits right in. Another fancy place to get bad food and expensive cocktails.
Pre-Opening Musings
First look at the menu and I'm skeptical; The lunch menu completely blows, and fried okra in the gumbo makes me think that they don't understand Okra or Gumbo. A second "New Orleans" restaurant with no Jambalaya on the regular menu. No Boudin? Seriously? Tasso-spiced pulled pork is also a concern; Tasso is ham made from pork shoulder; Tasso-spiced sounds like a trick to me. Too much trouble to make Tasso, so they're giving you pulled pork. Tomato and squash in the red beans and rice? No.
At least it's something different. Absurdly expensive; although I'm not a fan of Shuck N Dive, this place is going to have to be really good to compete food-wise at these prices.
The Bokamper Group is opening a "New Orleans Inspired" restaurant on Las Olas. Small plates and "Craft Cocktails".
What are the chances that people who can't make a salad in a sports bar can pull this concept off? Hopefully they'll have lots of TVs.
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