Critic's Review
IT! Italy quietly opened today, and while I try to avoid going to restaurants the day they open, this place has been so ineptly marketed that I felt getting a menu and figuring the place out was in the best interests of my reader public.
I'd driven by earlier and I saw people in the outside space. The only indication that they were open for business were the signs on the sidewalk.
Note to restaurant owners: You're only allowed 1 sandwich board on the sidewalk and you need a permit. I'm sure the code police will be right on this.
Upon entering the place, I had a bit of a claustrophobic feeling. It seemed cramped. I didn't want to sit at the bar.
There's an odd booth in the corner. I had to look around to find a place that was comfortable.
There are way too many mirrors. The wide mirrored columns create tight spaces; it's going to be difficult walking through this restaurant with a crowd.
There's a row of TVs that run the length of the restaurant. Every 4th TV has an ad for the restaurant; almost all of them are pictures of smiling women enjoying a drink at the restaurant. Their instagram and facebook are filled with pictures of woman.
It's the first day so I'm not going into the service; the servers are getting their legs under them. I ordered an iced tea, despite the $3.50 price, and an appetizer eggplant parmesan. Everything here is too expensive and there's no lunch menu; no panini or meatball sandwiches. The truth is this is not really an Italian restaurant. More on this later.
The iced tea tasted musty. Not sure if it's bad water or bad tea. I won't be ordering the iced tea ever again.
There's a button on the table that you can push if you need service. Must be fun for the servers in a crowded restaurant.
While waiting I made a trip to the men's room. There no wording indicating men's or ladies room; just big creepy pictures of Italian Celebrities. There's more inside; I don't generally take photos of bathrooms. There are mirrors all over so you can watch yourself go.
The food wasn't on the table yet. Music is very loungey and quite loud; "Like Water", "Wake up Where you are" and an awful remake of "Wonderwall".
It took 20 minutes for the food to come out.
This didn't look like an eggplant parm I've ever had before. The menu says "crispy eggplant" but this wasn't even breaded. This is the kind of mushy eggplant that makes people think they despise eggplant.
$12 for this with no bread or pasta is ridiculous. This is less than $1 worth of food.
Micro Cilantro does not pair well with this; the greens with this dish are completely ill-conceived. South Americans just put Cilantro on everything.
The menu says "layered with ham and mozzarella"; the only layer of mozzarella was on top, and instead of the expected prosciutto or capocollo; the ham was a slice of smoked ham. Highly unusual.
Separating out the greens and the ham I was able the eat most of this. The service button comes in handy when you're ready for the check.
They have the tableside checkout here; he hands me the unit with the tip screen, so you can't even see an itemized check until after you pay. The people who design these things (and restauranteurs) have no idea how to do this properly. They should deliver an itemized bill as usual and take the payment on the machine. The machine is not in lieu of a check.
They haven't even bothered to program in the name of the restaurant yet.
I've expressed my feelings about having to sign the check with my finger. Invest in some styluses people.
Conclusion
Perhaps the worst marketed restaurant ever to open on Las Olas has opened, and I can't say that I'm impressed. Even with the limited information available pre-opening, this doesn't surprise me.
The eggplant parmesan I had was perhaps the worst I've had since my mother tried to make it before there was an internet where you could find proper recipes. There's a way to cook eggplant so it's not mushy junk, and they don't know that method here. The entire recipe is ill-conceived, and from the descriptions of the food I can tell that whoever put this menu together is not of Italian heritage. They don't even have an Italian wine by the glass on the menu. Am I going to come in here for a glass of generic Malbec to watch some sports? No I'm not.
This place is typical of South Americans coming to the US thinking they have a big idea; like pictures of hot chicks on instagram is how to market a restaurant in the United States. Slap some fake Italian food in front of us and we'll overpay for booze. Problem is, places with better Italian food are nearby, and I don't have to listen to the lounge music.
The place is very colorful, and the bar seems more interesting than the restaurant. But it's fairly clear that the owners have no idea how to cater to this neighborhood. If I was looking for some Italian food this is the last place I'd consider.
Pre-Opening Musings
An Argentinian Italian restaurant is opening on Las Olas.
I believe this is their first restaurant in the US, what could go wrong? South Americanized Italian food to add to Las Olas motley offerings. These places seem like "cafes" rather than fancy formal restaurants.
Who is paying $19 for Spaghetti and meatballs with cream cheese for lunch in this debacle of a restaurant? Do they think that Ricotta is cream cheese? An "Italian" restaurant that offers mashed potatoes and jasmine rice as side. It's too absurd to be real.
3 Reds by the glass; "Proverb" brand retails for $6.95/bottle. Quality stuff.